the Whole Nine Yards
by Herszel
Summary: [AU] Akira Kiyosato is a dentist, he lives his not so great and boring life... that is until he meets his new neighbor, the Battousai. Add Kaoru, a hitman wannabe and Sano, the Zanza, and let the fun begin. [main pairing: KBK] [chapter 2 rewritten and rating went up]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Do not own them**

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Loosely based on the Whole Nine Yards. And I think you can tell by now that this is an AU.

Main pairing: Kenshin/Kaoru, maybe some others…

Also, English is not my Mother tongue, so be prepared for mistakes.

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**Chapter I**

Akira Kiyosato had never complained about his life though he had every reason to do so.

He had a wife. The wife was a gorgeous woman and there was probably no one who could call her ugly. But Akira had stopped loving her a long time ago. Her beauty had been what had attracted him but her character was something that her look could not hide. She too didn't love him, perhaps she hadn't loved him even back then when they had been getting married. So they were coexisting together like flat mates, not like a husband and a wife. And yes, it meant that Akira lived in celibacy for a long time.

He was a dentist. A plain typical (…) average dentist. Day after day he went to his place of work, greeting his nice assistant and then doing what a dentist usually did. During the years he got used to bloodcurdling state of some of his customer's teeth. He had to. His wife got also used to something during their years living together. Yep, money, maybe they were not that rich but they didn't complain.

After work he went home. What usually greeted him wasn't like on those American movies. There was not a dog, children nor the wife cooking the dinner. After all his wife was allergic to dogs, they didn't make sex for ages (and as you probably knows it's necessary to make children) and he was the one, who made the dinner.

But this day was different. When Akira got out of his car the first thing he noticed was the black car on the drive of the house next to his. It wouldn't be that surprising if yesterday the house had not been uninhabited. So, the first thing Akira did was his obligation as the neighbor.

He put his best smile as he knocked to the doors. He waited patiently and his smile didn't falter, though he had been waiting quite long till the doors finally opened. The dentist at once felt dread. His new neighbor turned out to be rather a short man. His amber eyes at first scanned surroundings as if looking for something and before they settled on Akira. The man in front of Akira had long red hairs gathered into high samurai-like ponytail. He was dressed casually in navy blue t-shirt and black pants. It wasn't his bloodcurdling eyes or his bloody red hairs that terrified Akira, though they were terrifying on their own. It was cross shaped scar on his new neighbor's left cheek that made the dentist want to run away screaming for help.

The man in front of him was Himura Kenshin. The Himura Hitokiri Battousai.

Maybe here, in Tokyo, someone else would not recognize the Battousai, the one, who had killed God only knew how many people. He was also the one who had betrayed his old pals and had told few things about their not-so-legal business. Now, the entire Kyoto mafia (if not every Japanese Mafioso) were after him. Akira would not know about this if he had not been raised in Kyoto, also known as the Sin City, due mafia's activity there. There were many photos of the Battousai in Kyoto's newspapers. Now Akira was 100 sure that he was incredible pale and sweating from the fear he felt.

"Are you alright?" deep and calm voice reached Akira's ears. He nodded vigorously in response, though he felt as if he was about to faint. "Are you sure?" the same voice asked again. Cold amber eyes scrutinized him carefully.

The faint sound got out from Akira's throat and he finally was able to use his voice, he stuttered "Ye… Yes"

"I'm Ken Shimura, are you one of the neighbors?" he asked. You couldn't tell that he was impolite but the cold and unemotional note in his voice didn't allow you to feel relaxed in his presence. That, and those amber eyes looking at you with a cold calculation in them.

"Y… yes, yes… I live in that blue house over there, Mr. Shimura" Akira answered nervously and pointed his house. 'Ken Shimura my ass' was his thought but he didn't say this aloud being afraid of getting killed.

"And your name is…?" the Battousai asked again.

"Oh, where… where are my manners… I'm Akira Kiyosato, nice to meet you" he replied again, wishing that he had not decided to meet his new neighbor. The Battousai nodded in response. "Ah… Uhm… I better get going… it's really nice to meet you" the dentist finally stuttered not standing the aura the shorter man gave of.

"Ah, yes, it's nice to meet you too" was the polite answer and Battousai calmly watched as his neighbor got to his house before closing his doors.

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**Ok, it's quite short, but it's just a beginning, later will be longer. And you can review, you know? I would be grateful.**


	2. Chapter 2

I had the sudden urge to return. Here's rewritten second chapter, there are some changes. I'm in the middle of chapter third so I'll post something around next week; )

Disclaimer: no one's mine.

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Chapter II

To say that Akira Kiyosato was scared after meeting his new red haired and amber eyed neighbor would be an understatement. He was utterly terrified, the feeling of dread unwilling to leave him be. It wasn't that Akira was a scaredy-cat… or perhaps it was one of the reasons of his constant fear… but hell! His new neighbor turned out not to be a nice old lady, odd old lady or even odd old lady who liked cats… Seriously, Akira could stand it. But no, life wasn't that fun, his new neighbor in that nice house next to his had to be the Battousai!

Akira absolutely wasn't used to things like this one. He had had his normal and boring life of average dentist's. And whether he wanted it or not (rather the latter in his case), things like neighbors turning out to be hit men were definitely not supposed to happen to an average dentist (yeah, you can trust me on this one).

And many things attacked Akira's poor and frantic mind. Had he acted natural enough the day before? Had the hitman noticed recognition on his face? His accent? The dentist prayed that his neighbor simply thought of him as slow or awkward.

He was not cut for this kind of situations. His life should be absolutely normal without hit men next door. As if a crazy woman, as his oh so lovely wife, wasn't enough. Oh no, God had to be that mean and give him another, even better person as his neighbor. What next? Hitler's reincarnation as his son? Akira shuddered at the thought but reassured himself that's highly unlikely as his wife hardly had any interest in sharing his bed and he didn't believe in reincarnation anyway.

"…still with us?" Akira jumped at the familiar voice. He looked up from his chair to be met with startlingly blue eyes.

"Huh?" was the only answer he could make in his state.

"Are you okay, Kiyosato-san?" his assistant asked again, a worried frown visible on her forehead.

"Nn… Yeah" he replied after looking at her for a moment. Akira lifted the mug from the table to his lips and took a sip. A bitter and unpleasant liquid made him almost gag… perhaps that's how everything tasted when you knew that your life is in danger because of your neighbor – you know the one in that nice house next to his? – being the infamous Hitokiri Battousai.

"Are you alright?" his assistant's voice startled him again.

"I'm perfectly okay, Kamiya-san" he answered as calm as he could and gave Kaoru a weak smile.

"Are you sure? Because, you know…"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm fine. Actually, I've never felt so good in my whole life… Yes, I'm ok, dandy" he took another sip and winced inwardly. Kaoru was looking at him oddly and he was sure that his acting left much to be desired.

"You know, this is my coffee" she stated after a while of scrutinizing him.

"Pardon?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"My coffee" she pointed at the mug he was holding and had been taking sips from time to time. Akira looked down. 'Well, that explains the terrible taste' he thought. "You're drinking my coffee" Kaoru frowned. " but he hates coffee" she murmured under her nose but not too quietly for him to hear.

"Ehm… I… I began to like it…" he finally said. Yeah, that was lame.

"Really? What about that coffee is bad, it makes your teeth look awful?" Kaoru perfectly mimicked the tone he usually used and his Kyoto accent.

"Well… it's not like one coffee will destroy my teeth" he pouted and put the mug on the table. He made a mental note to brush his teeth more thoroughly than usual the moment he had a chance.

"Well, but, allow me to repeat myself, it's my coffee. And it is the coffee I made myself for my own use"

"Uh oh! Is that a patient coming?" he exclaimed knowing well where this was going.

"Kiyosato-san?" he heard her unsure voice just when he was about to leave the room. He turned around and smiled at her weakly. "Is… is everything alright?" she asked and he couldn't help but feel better at her worried tone.

At that moment he wanted to tell her everything but his mind didn't allow him to do so. Akira knew that her knowing about Battousai wouldn't be a good idea. God only knew what Battousai could do to her… No reason to put her In such position.

"Yes, I'm fine" he lied to her and smiled. She didn't seem much reassured.

oxoxOxoxo

Kaoru knew that something was troubling Akira since he had entered his office in the morning. Gone was his honest smile replaced by the nervous one. Did he know something? Nope, that wasn't possible. She a long time ago had abandoned her task. And his wife wasn't that stupid, was she? (Well, technically, she was, but that's Kaoru's personal opinion).

Kaoru took a sip of her freshly made coffee. That's when she heard a terrified shriek from the dentist's office. At once she got up from her chair and ran towards the source of that scream.

"Oh, don't worry! Just hold still!" she recognized Akira's voice. She opened doors quickly. There she saw a patient who tried hard to break away from Akira's steel grip.

"Noo! I don't wanna! Go away!" the patient was screaming, though Kaoru was only guessing exact words.

"Hold still, it's just drilling!" the dentist cried.

"Kiyosato-san!" Kaoru shouted and caught his arm just when he was about to start drilling the good looking and perfectly healthy tooth.

"He's insane! He wants to kill me!" the patient yelled once freed from doctor's grasp. Kaoru started calming the patient, helping him with standing up and walking him to the door apologizing all the way. When she came back, the dentist was sitting on a patient chair with his face hidden in his hands.

"Akira-san, what's wrong?" she asked with genuine concern.

"I'm just tired I guess" was his answer when he finally looked up at her.

"Something's wrong, I can see it. You nearly killed that man" she tried hard not to chuckle, well, the situation had been a bit hilarious.

"I didn't. He just didn't want to hold still" Akira pouted and Kaoru rolled her eyes at this.

"Did too. I've never seen such a terrified man, I doubt he'll come back."

"Oh, whatever, it was just drilling! If he was so scared then he could've tell me so instead of wriggling like a five year old!"

"Well, he's tried to tell you but…"

"I don't want to think about this" he cut in with irritation though she could see a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"You wanna go home? I can cancel your appointments if you want…"

"No… I'm fine... There's no need to…" he started but she silenced him with a hard look.

"Well, it's not like I'm doing it for you, I just want to keep some of your patients alive" she said as if to herself and left the room.

oxoxOxoxo

They drove in silence, Akira looking out of the window with vacant look on his face and Kaoru stealing glances at him, clearly worried about her boss.

She bit her lower lip. It wasn't her, she was sure, as he wouldn't have come to work and talked to her just like that. Oh, and she would probably be at the Police not here driving him home. But that didn't exactly calm her. She hadn't been working for Akira Kiyosato as his assistant for long, yet the man was so easy to like that she couldn't help but care for him. Kaoru worried, for she had not seen him so absent-minded ever before, but it seemed he would not tell. She didn't press. Though he sure looked like someone who wanted to share whatever was troubling him.

As they neared his home she noticed her boss get sickly pale with his eyes glued to one spot.

She turned her face to see whatever he was seeing. It was that nice house next to his with white walls and blue windows. She remembered it had had "ON SALE" sign the last time she went for some paper's after work to Akira's house. It was now gone though and there was a young red hair on the porch, who raised his hand in greeting.

"Oh, a new neighbor?" she turned to her passenger asking lightly, hoping a small talk would help him get his mind off of things.

Though at the time she didn't know, she couldn't have been more wrong.

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So? how do you like it?


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